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  • Writer's pictureBess de Boer

Returning To Our True Selves Through Conflict

Updated: Mar 30, 2021


Most of us often think of the conflict situations that we face in our life, as unforeseen negative events that present themselves, leaving us feeling sideswiped and perplexed… We typically think of our conflicts as being independent of our doing.


In our mind, THEY ARE ALWAYS ABOUT THE OTHER. Something someone else has caused.


No one ever says… I INVITED this difficult situation into my life TO HEAL A WOUND that I’m carrying!


The truth is, every one of our conflict scenarios IS about us, NOT THE OTHER, regardless of who is right or wrong. They don’t arrive at our doorstep by chance. THEY ARE NOT ACCIDENTS. They are specifically designed by our higher self to illuminate our blind spots – to give us the opportunity to uncover and to heal the painful wound that we don’t want to look at. They provide us with the roadblocks we need to WAKE UP... and they persist in causing us suffering until we’re forced to look inward, to take heed of what we're carrying... to uncover our wound and attend to it.


When we don't understand this truth, every conflict we face plunges us into fear. We instinctively armour up to defend ourselves against a threat, that we attribute entirely ON THE OTHER. We SHUT DOWN the tender part of our humanness ... We PREPARE FOR BATTLE.


Through this process we miss the opportunity to see THE PART WE PLAY in our conflicts...


We miss the opening TO RETURN TO OUR TRUE SELVES by healing the wounds that our conflicts invariably unearth - the real work we’re here to do.


There are no shortcuts in this work. There is no path straight to GO without stopping... without bumping and bruising our ego. The only way forward is a steep climb UP.


True resolution of our conflicts comes when we can finally rise to a level from where we can perceive that IT'S NOT ABOUT THE OTHER, no matter what their assault on us. Our conflicts at their core are always about US. WE give them THEIR MEANING... WE give them THEIR POWER and WE execute THEIR PUNISHMENT in the battlefield of our mind.


When we recognize this truth... we are able to accept the conflict situation we are facing with compassion. WE ARE ABLE TO HEAL... we are able to return home to our true selves.




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