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  • Writer's pictureBess de Boer

The Alchemy of Apology


A GENUINE APOLOGY IS TRANSFORMATIVE!

It’s like the first drop of rain falling on the earth when it’s parched for water.

And yet… it’s also the last thing we typically want to give in a situation of conflict.

WHY IS GIVING AN APOLOGY SO DIFFICULT?

Behind our reluctance and often, our down right refusal to give an apology, hides FEAR – the fear of humiliation, defeat, weakness – the primitive fear of survival.

SO HOW DO WE AVOID THIS RABBIT HOLE OF FEAR?

Like diving from a cliff for the first time, it takes the KNOWING that we’ll be safe… we won’t drown. The water’s buoyancy will carry us.

THIS KNOWING CAN ONLY COME FROM EXPERIENCE.

We can only experience our power by overriding our fear and diving in!

Giving an apology in the midst of a heated argument takes warrior-like courage. It takes trust in our inner power… in the knowing that we are inherently whole… that no one can give us, nor take from us, the power that lays in the seat of our being. This power is ours to access, or to shut down.

We access this inner warrior-like power when we give an apology. That’s when we begin to understand our true strength. We witness an unmistakable transformation begin to take shape in our opponent. Their shoulders soften… an ease comes over their face… their eyes relax… their whole demeanor slowly changes. In all of my experience in my work with conflict, I have yet to see someone remain immovable in the face of the humility of a genuine apology.

WE DISARM OUR ENEMY THROUGH OUR WILLINGNESS TO RISK BEING VULNERABLE.

A healing unfolds right in front of us. No matter how subtle… it’s always unmistakable. Our apology extinguishes their fire. That’s when we feel our true power - in our choice to take the higher road… in our ability to shift our enemy and transform the situation through the alchemy of a wholehearted apology.

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